Post by TaQuilla on Jan 30, 2007 20:25:36 GMT -5
Now that I have everyone's attention, I will explain...
This evening I am praising God w/every breath that I take. It would have been much harder to utter those words this weekend, or even a few hours ago, for that matter. For during that time I pratically pleaded for the very life that He's blessed me with, to be taken away. Yes, I pleaded for death. Not because I have not enjoyed my life thus far, and not due to a depression of any sort. But due to the unrelenting, excruciating pain that occurs in my abdomen as a result of barreness. This is not the mental pain that also arises each month that reminds me of another failed attempt at conceiving, although that pain is surely present as well. I am talking of the physical pain of every part of my internal organs being twisted as you would wring out a wet towel. A pain that worsens w/each monthly cycle as each year passes. A pain that reached it's climax Sunday morning as I prayed for the Lord to take me away from this life completely, because I didn't possibly feel that I could endure another minute of this literally gut-wrenching pain. At this same time my husband and son were fasting and praying for the pain to be lifted. My parents, and my church were also lifting my pain up in prayer (my family went to church w/o me and put in a prayer request). And all praises due to Him for finally lifting that pain from me after 3 1/2 days. I know that many people do not get cramps to this extremity, so it is quite hard for most to understand that this is not just your average cramps that come w/your period from time to time.
But the Lord has shown me over the last 15 years of my life, that only He is able to Heal me. I've gone to the doctors, taken the meds (OTC and Rx), had the surgeries, yet nothing helps. My pain, my barreness, is one that only the Lord can lift. I praise Him for not putting on me more than I can bear. I also praise Him that all who came to Jesus for healing in the Bible, were healed. I thank Him for the hope that He has given me that I will be healed.
I will continue to hope for what I do not see, & eagerly wait for it w/ perseverance (Rom 8:25). I know that all things (even endometriosis) work together for good (Rom 8:28). If God is for me then who can be against me? (Rom 8:31)
I will admit, that each month, Satan does every thing in is power to get me to "curse God and die." And although, I cannot imagine cursing my God, I was altogether ready for the dying part.
I would like to ask you ladies to remember me in your prayers. And if you know any one w/endometriosis (which western medicine has no cure for, it just gets worse, or you have everything removed, which means that bearing children is no longer possible), then please be sensitive to that person's pain, it is quite possibly unlike anything you've ever felt. If I could compare it to anything, it would be like the labor of having a baby, 3 days straight, every month of every year of your life, until menopause. And for those of you that have daughters, if they complain of any symptoms such as these, get it looked at as soon as possible.
I am really and truly seeking a healing miracle that only He can give.
This evening I am praising God w/every breath that I take. It would have been much harder to utter those words this weekend, or even a few hours ago, for that matter. For during that time I pratically pleaded for the very life that He's blessed me with, to be taken away. Yes, I pleaded for death. Not because I have not enjoyed my life thus far, and not due to a depression of any sort. But due to the unrelenting, excruciating pain that occurs in my abdomen as a result of barreness. This is not the mental pain that also arises each month that reminds me of another failed attempt at conceiving, although that pain is surely present as well. I am talking of the physical pain of every part of my internal organs being twisted as you would wring out a wet towel. A pain that worsens w/each monthly cycle as each year passes. A pain that reached it's climax Sunday morning as I prayed for the Lord to take me away from this life completely, because I didn't possibly feel that I could endure another minute of this literally gut-wrenching pain. At this same time my husband and son were fasting and praying for the pain to be lifted. My parents, and my church were also lifting my pain up in prayer (my family went to church w/o me and put in a prayer request). And all praises due to Him for finally lifting that pain from me after 3 1/2 days. I know that many people do not get cramps to this extremity, so it is quite hard for most to understand that this is not just your average cramps that come w/your period from time to time.
But the Lord has shown me over the last 15 years of my life, that only He is able to Heal me. I've gone to the doctors, taken the meds (OTC and Rx), had the surgeries, yet nothing helps. My pain, my barreness, is one that only the Lord can lift. I praise Him for not putting on me more than I can bear. I also praise Him that all who came to Jesus for healing in the Bible, were healed. I thank Him for the hope that He has given me that I will be healed.
I will continue to hope for what I do not see, & eagerly wait for it w/ perseverance (Rom 8:25). I know that all things (even endometriosis) work together for good (Rom 8:28). If God is for me then who can be against me? (Rom 8:31)
I will admit, that each month, Satan does every thing in is power to get me to "curse God and die." And although, I cannot imagine cursing my God, I was altogether ready for the dying part.
I would like to ask you ladies to remember me in your prayers. And if you know any one w/endometriosis (which western medicine has no cure for, it just gets worse, or you have everything removed, which means that bearing children is no longer possible), then please be sensitive to that person's pain, it is quite possibly unlike anything you've ever felt. If I could compare it to anything, it would be like the labor of having a baby, 3 days straight, every month of every year of your life, until menopause. And for those of you that have daughters, if they complain of any symptoms such as these, get it looked at as soon as possible.
I am really and truly seeking a healing miracle that only He can give.